goldendawnart

My artwork was definitively related to a period of time roughly sometime in 2010 all the way to some time in 2022. It is largely how I dealt with what is called a soul connection experience, although at first it was how I interpreted this through the Golden Dawn and later through learning energy work through a different teacher. For a really long time art was a type of therapy to move through the pain and often to just take my mind off the things I was experiencing. I would guess there were two phases of this, from the summer of 2010 through towards the end of 2018 and then early 2019 until last August.

An artist never says never but I had slowed down once I entered this second phase. During this I had a friend who helped keep me going through the hardest part of this (at the very hardest the only thing I could do anymore was jigsaw puzzles!), but eventually mid 2023 I had to work on my own to process some of this extremely high level grief. I did manage to stick with the techniques through I would guess a few months and then in August 2023, all the grief just completely vanished. Every once in a while something still comes up but it is extremely punctuated and a bit easier to deal with and it absolutely does not affect my moods like the deep grief used to. It is absolutely the deepest relief of my life and I am still getting used to it.

I really worked out a lot of what I was feeling here as well, but I’ve kept none of it as a record. If I think about any of it, it just comes back to August. I’ve come to some level of peace with life. I still know I don’t want fundamentalist Christianity, MAGA or an open relationship. I feel like the people who do want these things for me don’t understand that time won’t change any of that, but I think at my age you stop expecting the acceptance of this and wonder if these are just issues for the next life. While I grieved this was very hard, but it just isn’t anymore. And strangely neither is my art. I think this is my coda here.